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I wonder how many times you may have heard someone refer to “letting go” as the task or the goal of grieving. Speaking for myself, I hear those words and feel a resistance or want to push back at the notion. Why, how, would I let go of that which I have held dear?

Some might suggest that, in grief, we can’t move forward with our lives until we release the person or situation we have been so closely bonded to. I, on the other hand, believe that we move on and discover healing as we find new ways to carry the influence, the meaning, the spirit or essence of our beloved with us. To create a residence in our heart, in our consciousness that embraces and holds close all that can enrich and inform us.

When I’m confronted with a decision I am eager to call upon the memory and wisdom of those who have gone before me and have been teachers in life. When I feel lonely, I draw close to those things that remind me of the times I’ve been loved. We are deeply enriched when we shift our focus from letting go toward integrating our losses and honoring the continuium of life where past overlaps with present and becomes our foundation for future.

We create new ways of experiencing these relationships allowing memories to be our bridges, we use objects and rituals to keep us “in touch” and we breathe some sigh of relief, recognizing that healing in grief will never ask us to sever a precious bond.

What do you think?